Part of our Scam Spotlight series — plain-language breakdowns of specific phishing and scam patterns we see, building on our Understanding Spam and Phishing Emails (Basics) article.
Someone you've never met in person — often reached through a dating site, social media, or even an unexpected email introduction — builds an online relationship with you over weeks or months. They typically claim to live far away, work overseas (military, engineering, medical missions are common cover stories), and avoid video calls or in-person meetings with believable-sounding excuses. Once real trust and affection are established, they introduce a financial emergency — a medical bill, travel costs to finally meet you, a customs fee, or a family crisis — and ask for money.
Subject: I need your help, my love
From: (a contact built over weeks of messages)My darling, I finally have my flight booked to come see you, but customs is requiring an $800 fee to release my travel documents at the airport. I'm so embarrassed to ask, but I have no one else here. Can you send it today so I don't miss my flight? I promise to pay you back the moment I land.
You've never actually met in person, and video calls have always fallen through for one reason or another.
A financial emergency arrives right as an in-person meeting seems close — and something always comes up to prevent the meeting from actually happening.
A request for money sent through hard-to-trace methods — wire transfer, gift cards, or cryptocurrency — rather than any normal, reversible payment method.
Escalating emotional language (“my darling,” “I have no one else”) used to make it feel difficult to say no.
A promise to pay you back that keeps getting pushed to “after the next thing,” which never actually arrives.
Never send money, gift cards, or cryptocurrency to someone you haven't met in person — no matter how long you've been talking or how genuine it feels.
Insist on a real-time video call before taking any relationship this serious — and be suspicious of repeated excuses for why it can't happen.
Try a reverse image search on their profile photos — many romance scam photos are stolen from real people's social media and turn up elsewhere online.
Talk to a friend or family member about the relationship and the request — an outside perspective often spots the pattern faster than you can from inside it.
If you've already sent money:
Stop all further payments immediately, even if they ask for “just one more thing.”
Contact your bank to see whether any transfer can still be reversed or flagged.
Report it to your local police department and, in the US, to the FTC (reportfraud.ftc.gov) and the FBI's IC3 (ic3.gov) — romance scams are common and reporting helps track the people behind them.
Consider talking to a trusted friend, family member, or counselor — these situations are emotionally difficult, and you're far from alone in having experienced one.
Understanding Spam and Phishing Emails (Basics)
Scam Spotlight: Gift Card Request Scams
Scam Spotlight: Lottery, Inheritance, and Prize Scams